A Deeper Look into Therapist Self-Disclosure

The issue of therapist self-disclosure is debated within the therapy community. Many therapists believe that self-disclosure is no big deal (which, in many cases, it is not). Many therapists believe that self-disclosure is necessary for building rapport and breaking barriers (which, in many ways, it is). Many therapists believe that there is no room for self-disclosure and that any amount is unethical. While this topic is debated and, mostly, left to individual discretion, there are clear guidelines for therapists to follow when navigating self-disclosures to clients. If a therapist is considering sharing personal information with a client, they must consider why they are sharing this and the impact it may have on the client. Therapist self-disclosure must add therapeutic benefit to the client, must not put the therapist’s needs above what is best for the client, and must be well-timed. It is the therapist’s responsibility to maintain their therapeutic boundaries, and crucial to the client’s safety and the therapeutic efficacy for them to do so.

Not all self-disclosures are made equally. Oftentimes, therapists can engage in benign self-disclosures that have no negative impacts on the client (i.e. discussions about the weather, shared interest in a TV show, and so on). The therapist may disclose a shared experience they have had with the client as long as this information is helpful to the client. If sharing their experience makes the client feel reassured and less alone, then this disclosure would be appropriate. If this disclosure puts the focus on the therapist and reveals more about them than what the client may feel comfortable knowing, then this disclosure would not be appropriate. Some examples of safe self-disclosures could be: “I had a similar issue with my refrigerator as well. Here is how I found the right person to come fix it.” “I received that same service but I paid a fraction of that cost. Definitely shop around. You don’t need to pay that much.” “I used to work in that sort of setting and can tell you that what they told you is wrong. There was no reason for them to speak to you that way.” These are examples of disclosures that do not burden the client, but help validate their challenges and point them in helpful directions. If we have perspective and knowledge that might help the client, we may share it. Still, some clients might not want to hear this. It is important for the therapist to know their audience and adjust accordingly. Some examples of unsafe self-disclosures are: “I hate when my mom does that as well. It’s like she doesn’t know I’m not a baby anymore. It makes me feel so small.” “My ex-husband did the same thing to me. I still haven’t fully healed from it.” “I’m just having a really hard day. I feel like nothing I do is good enough.” In these last three examples, the therapist is crossing therapeutic boundaries by sharing inappropriately personal details. There are other ways for a therapist to communicate their wellness without overstepping their role.

There are, however, instances in which self-disclosure is necessary. This may include informing clients that the therapist is ill and needs to reschedule. This may also include sharing any information that may impact how the therapist is showing up in the space and the impacts this might have on the client. I will share an example from my own life as an anecdote. Last summer, I was in a car accident and fractured my sternum. Given my injury, I became short of breath quickly and often had to catch my breath mid-sentence. The doctors instructed me to take frequent deep breaths in order to prevent lung collapse. I decided to share this with my clients. I worried that, without context, my clients might interpret my frequent deep breaths as sighs of exasperation. I did not want my clients to think I was feeling annoyed with them, so I explained what had happened and why they might notice changes to my breathing. I kept this explanation brief so as to not centre myself or burden my clients with the details. Some of my clients had follow up questions, which I answered, again being mindful of the details and the amount of time spent discussing this. I did not share details that might harm or overly upset my clients. I even wore clothes that covered the marks I had on my body from the accident. This is where the use of discretion comes into play. I am not obligated to hide physical evidence of the harm that befell me, but I chose to so that my clients would not worry.

There are often times when self-disclosure is unavoidable. Client’s may find out personal details about their therapist by accident or by passive observation. For example, if the therapist shows up one day wearing a shiny new engagement ring, the client will likely deduce that the therapist has recently gotten engaged. In such cases, if the client inquires about this and extends congratulations, it would be appropriate for the therapist to confirm this news and thank the client for their well wishes. It would not, however, be appropriate for the therapist to regale the client in a long retelling of how their partner proposed. Another example of an unavoidable self-disclosure is therapist pregnancy. Presumably, the client will eventually be able to tell that their therapist is pregnant. Ideally, the therapist will choose the right moment to inform their client that they are pregnant and to discuss a potential transfer of care or hiatus from therapy while the therapist is on leave. A therapist likely will not disclose early pregnancy to their clients, but they will ideally disclose their pregnancy with enough time for their client to process their eventual absence. This is an example of a time when not self-disclosing could harm the client and the therapeutic relationship. I have heard of a therapist disclosing their pregnancy to their clients at the 8-9 month mark. By not disclosing the pregnancy sooner, the therapist withheld important information that directly impacted the client and left insufficient time to process this with the client.

There are often times when self-disclosure is in the best interest of the client and the therapeutic work. Many clients are looking for a therapist who has similar experiences to them. For example, a client in the 2SLGBTQIA+ community might want to know if their therapist belongs to this community as well. A client seeking therapy for parenting might want to know if their therapist is a parent as well. It is up to the therapist to decide whether or not to disclose this to a client. Disclosing this would be considered appropriate and therapeutically necessary. This disclosure might make the client feel safer and more connected with the therapist. The therapist may choose not to disclose this about themselves. The therapist has the right to decide not to disclose anything they do not feel comfortable disclosing. It is up to the therapist to maintain their own integrity and to respect their own personal boundaries. However, this could negatively inform the therapeutic rapport. The client might even decide to seek a different therapist. Both of those things are 100% okay and normal. Sometimes, conflicting needs, values, and boundaries can make certain therapists and certain clients poor fits for one another, and that is okay!